my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
vagina is talking i cant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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