That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize