Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
