Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
