Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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