What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
