i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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