My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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