Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
