Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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