No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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