atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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