i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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