i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How external is "for external use only"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
