they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As shirtless as possible
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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