I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize