Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
