the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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