why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
