I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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