Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
