i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
