I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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