mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
