NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
