Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she peed on how many people?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
