Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
