Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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