he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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