just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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