That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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