why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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