If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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