Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
