Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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