lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this is an emotional support booty call
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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