Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
