Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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