i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
