Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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