We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
