we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
