I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
