I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
