I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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