she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
