I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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