I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
