Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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