And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
