Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
