Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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