1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Randomize
