I wanna passion pit in your ass
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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