i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
