Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
