I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
