ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
