ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
