this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
