This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
