This is not my ceiling
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
