What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
