I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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