just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
