I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize