my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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