This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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