So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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