i would punch a child for taco bell
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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