this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
